A Common Sleep Mistake to Avoid
4 TO 12 WEEKS
How to avoid it and what to do instead.
Sleep experts will share that they commonly encounter parents who report that they have been immediately picking up and responding to their baby during sleep time for every grunt, groan, moan, whimper, or cry.
Why might this be a bad idea in this particular scenario and what can this do to your baby’s sleep?
The reason it might be a bad idea is that your baby may actually be sleeping or on their way to putting themselves to sleep or back to sleep on their own. You may have not allowed them enough time to settle on their own. Self-soothing or the ability to fall asleep or get back to sleep independently is one of the most critical pieces of healthy sleep.
Most caregivers do not realize that babies can be noisy during transitions of sleep, during light sleep and when putting themselves to sleep. Sometimes a baby will even cry a little bit while falling asleep or cry for a short time and actually be fast asleep. Picking up your baby at these times can startle them, leading them to a fully awakened state.
Again, we want to emphasize, self-soothing or the ability to fall asleep or get back to sleep independently is one of the most critical pieces of healthy sleep.
So, what should parents do instead?
Wait and Observe and try your best to get out of their line of sight. Give them a minute or two while you have stepped away from their bed. During these minutes, ask yourself, is my baby really awake? If they are not awake, Go To Sleep for goodness sake!
If they are awake, truly awake, do they just need a moment on their own to settle? Are they mostly calm or just a little fussy? If it has been an hour or less since their last feeding, then give them another minute, and if they remain awake and calm you can give them time to settle to sleep. If they start to get a little more fussy, and you are using a sound machine, make sure it is on now and even turn it up a little bit. Try that for a few minutes. Did that work? Yes. Go To Sleep.
If not, do they need anything? Like a feeding? Or a diaper change? If it has been a few hours since the last feeding and diaper change; then it probably is time for those two things. Although feeding patterns are quite variable at this age, breastfed babies at this age typically still feed ~ 3-4 times at night and formula fed babies typically still feed ~ 2-3 times at night. Please take this into consideration and do not wait to feed them if two hours have already passed.
If it has only been an hour, consider whether their last feeding was a complete feeding or was it half-hearted, and if it wasn’t a full feeding, go ahead and feed them.
But if the answer is that they most likely do not need another feeding or diaper change, and they have still not settled to sleep, without talking, simply reach into their bed, and lay your hand on your baby’s chest for several minutes, using gentle pressure. Alternatively, you can rub your baby’s belly, whichever seems to calm them best. Have they started to settle? Well, if the answer is yes, keep your hand there for a little longer, until they have fully settled. Afterwards, slowly remove your hand, step away from the bed, and see if they fall asleep. If they have fallen asleep, phew, turn back down the volume of the sound machine (if you are using one), and if it’s nighttime or nap time for you, get to SLEEP.
If they are still not settling to sleep, go on to the next step.
If you are using a pacifier, give them one now and let them suck on it for a minute or two and see if this helps. If they settle then and the pacifier falls out, don’t put it back in. Just move away from their bed and give them a chance to fall asleep.
However, if all of that doesn’t work, at this age (4-12 weeks), most sleep consultants would say, if it’s night time go ahead and get them back to sleep in any way you know will work, rocking them to sleep or feeding, even if it's only been a one hour since their last full feeding. We don’t want parents and babies up all night.
If it’s daytime and you know your baby really needs to nap and does not appear hungry or in need of a diaper change, there are a few other things that might help. You can systematically go through all the steps we have outlined in the preparing your baby for sleep section (realizing that you may have done some of these things already but will now be doing them in a more systematic approach) (LINK) or you can take them on a walk in a stroller or put them in an infant carrier and go about what you were doing.2
These above principles can also be used anytime your baby wakes up and it’s too early for a feeding, or diaper change, or too early for them to have woken up. Or if you decide to only try these steps once or twice a day, that is OK too, just keep practicing.
AAP recommends, if your baby falls asleep in a car seat, stroller, swing, infant carrier, or sling, you should move them to a firm sleep surface on their back as soon as possible.
This might be an unexpected blessing or benefit. If they awaken during the transfer to their bed, it will afford you more opportunities for your baby to practice getting to sleep independently.
