Understanding Toddler Behavior: Tips for Managing Independence and Emotional Development

Growing Up Too Fast

Toddlers do not want to misbehave; they seek your attention and approval. However, they are also desperate to assert themselves and gain independence. Your toddler is now mobile and the world around them is new and exciting, but it can also be scary. They naturally need to explore and test limits and boundaries. That is how they learn what is possible. While their brain is continuing to rapidly develop, many areas will remain under development until adulthood. Toddlers are beginning to have more complex emotions but have not gained the capacity to understand nor control them. Moreover, their ability to reason and think logically is only a faint glimmering light. They are also starting to verbally communicate with us, but most do not have enough words to get their messages across.

“The Boss” of Themselves

As toddlers develop their vocabulary and communication skills they might say things like:

• “No!”

• “Mine!”

• “I do it!”

• “Do it myself!”

• “No!” (again)

• “Nooooo!”

Sound familiar? Many parents of toddlers recognize these common commands frequently uttered by their children. Often, these statements are the catalysts for meltdowns, irrational behavior, and tantrums—all typical for toddlers. When things don’t go their way, toddlers often feel overwhelmed and emotional, even inconsolable at times. They spend a great deal of energy trying to make sense of their world, which can be exhausting. This is why meltdowns can seem sporadic or happen most often when naptime is approaching or late in the evening after a long day.

Inflexible With Change and Transitions

Toddlers can seem inflexible at times because they’re sorting new information constantly. If you change something your child has previously learned, such as a morning routine or a change in the dinner menu, your child may have a meltdown. They might cry, scream, kick, or throw a tantrum in a grocery store aisle because the store is out of dino-shaped chicken nuggets.

For the same reason toddlers seem inflexible, they may also seem bossy or defiant, engaging in what might be seen as power struggles. But, again, they’re trying to grab control of their environment because the things they come to understand change without their knowledge and control.

Understanding the reasons behind your toddler’s behavior is key to managing their emotional development effectively. Recognizing their need for independence, while providing a safe and consistent environment, helps them navigate their rapidly changing world. By empathizing with their struggles and guiding them gently, you can support their growth into emotionally healthy and resilient individuals.