Managing Your Toddler’s Emotions
Handling Toddler Tantrums in Public
Imagine your toddler is completely absorbed in play, and you break the news to them that it’s time to leave the park. Your toddler explodes—giant tears, loud sobs, yelling, a rigid body that won’t budge, or maybe they’re suddenly liquified and boneless and impossible to pick up. The other families are looking at you and your screaming toddler.
Should you yell at them to be quiet and force them into the car? Threaten to take away their favorite toy? Should you offer a reward if your toddler leaves quietly? No, those options are not likely to work in the short term and definitely not in the long term.
Notice, Name, and Normalize Your Toddler’s Feelings
The first thing we, as parents, need to do is notice the feelings behind all the sobbing and yelling. Your toddler is likely sad or angry or both. They need you to acknowledge and validate their feelings. When we notice our toddler’s feelings, name them, and validate them, we normalize emotions and the expression of emotions. We want our children to feel comfortable and safe expressing all of their emotions. We want them to know that all feelings are OK.
Here is what you might say to your toddler, who is still sobbing and yelling about having to leave the park:
PARENT: "I see and hear that you’re upset about leaving. It’s okay that you are sad or mad. I know it can be hard to leave when we’re having fun."
Give Your Toddler Time and Space to Process Feelings
In any scenario, you should validate your child’s feelings by recognizing that they are upset, afraid, angry, frustrated, ecstatic, sad, etc., and their actions are a reflection of this. To truly show your understanding, you must allow time and space for the feelings to pass through your child and hopefully subside. Simply repeat the above message several times until your child is calm enough to communicate with.
Why Feelings Matter
Being open with your toddler about emotions has benefits in the moment of a meltdown and in the long term when it comes to your child’s social-emotional development. Empathetic children grow to be loving parents, emotionally connected partners, and friends. Empathetic children also make fantastic team players; they’re great innovators, outstanding teachers, creative designers, captivating artists, and overall changemakers because they can get inside the minds of teammates, opponents, consumers, students, and more. When you encourage your toddler to get comfortable with their feelings, you are doing far more than handling an incident of emotional or irrational behavior.
Conversely, when a child is told that their feelings are “too much” and they should “stop” or “just calm down” and “be good,” they become ashamed of certain feelings like their anger or sadness. Even in more complicated situations, you can validate the feelings without also accepting or giving the impression of approving any harmful behaviors such as hitting, pushing, biting, or kicking. You simply state, "It's okay that you’re angry, but biting is not okay."
Again, we want to normalize and validate all feelings and emotions.
Managing toddler tantrums in public can be challenging, but by noticing, naming, and normalizing your toddler’s feelings, you help them learn to express their emotions healthily and constructively. This approach not only addresses the immediate situation but also supports your child’s long-term emotional development, helping them grow into empathetic and emotionally intelligent individuals.
