How to Prevent Toddler Meltdowns

Arm yourself with all of the best possible tools and have a plan for managing meltdowns and also taking deliberate steps to prevent meltdowns.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Tips For Preventing Tantrums And Meltdowns:

TIP 1 : Assess basic needs

At the first sign of push back from your toddler or perhaps tears almost fall over something small, consider basic needs. Do you have a “hangry” toddler? Young children usually need 3 meals and 2 to 3 snacks per day.  It doesn’t take long for a toddler to become over-hungry. The same is true for a toddler who is getting sick or is overtired. It is important to address issues like hunger and exhaustion quickly. But if your toddler has become upset or angry, still listen and validate their feelings. Avoid saying things like “you’re only upset because you haven’t eaten. You could say something, “I hear that you’re upset. I’m going to have a snack while I listen, would you like a snack?”

TIP 2: Offer Choice When Possible

Before you end up in a power struggle with your toddler, look for opportunities to offer choice. A sense of control and agency is often what your toddler wants when they push back. Avoid picking up the rope and instead state the non-negotiable details, “It’s time for school” and then offer a choice, “do you to play music or hear a story in the car?” Offer two choices and no more whenever possible. Open-ended questions are too much for toddlers and you are not likely to be able to follow through on their request. For example, if you ask your toddler,  “What should we have for dinner?” You need to be prepared for answers like “candy” or “lobster.” This type of question will likely result in you not following through and your toddler unsure if a request from you should be taken seriously.

TIP 3: Role Reversal or Follow The Leader

Sports coaches, dance, and martial arts instructors use this technique often, especially with the youngest students. When a child is challenging in class, an instructor might ask them to lead the group in warm-up stretches, demonstrate a new skill, or assist with setting up equipment. If your promise to read a book doesn’t convince your toddler to get into bed, ask if they can tell you the story tonight. Or if it's time to walk home from the park, ask your toddler if they can tell you the way home (because you have suddenly forgotten). What might be appropriate for your little one to be “in charge” of for the day or just a few minutes?

TIP 4: “YES” before “NO” and After

This tip is very simple. The overall purpose is to soften the “NO” when you aren’t able to say “YES” to your toddler. Start by agreeing with some part of their request, then give the bad news, and follow it with something to look forward to.

PARENT

I would love to visit Grandma. That sounds so fun, but Grandma’s house is a long drive. Should we see if she can facetime after dinner? 

TIP 5: Put things in Sequence

Telling your toddler the sequence of upcoming events can offer security through the structure. Like explaining that after their bath, you’re going to go potty one more time and then read a book. Avoid making one even contingent on their completing the other such as offering a book only if they go potty. This technique is simply a way for your toddler to see that they will move forward even if the idea of nap upsets them, more events will follow regardless of what happens during naptime. The idea is similar to unconditional love. 

PARENT

It’s time to get dressed for daycare. After daycare, we’ll go to the mall to buy new shoes and then eat dinner at the food court. 

You can even combine “put things in a sequence” with “offer choice” to go something like this:

PARENT

It’s time to get dressed for daycare. After daycare, we’ll go to the mall to buy new shoes and then eat dinner at the food court. Do you want a Happy Meal or Orange Chicken for dinner?

*NOTE: Normally meal choice is the parent’s responsibility and non-negotiable, however, a food court is one place where everyone could have what they want.

TIP 6: A Spoonful of Sugar

This is another simple tip to soften an unpleasant or undesirable task or activity. A spoonful of sugar simply means adding fun, color, sweetness, and silliness to something your toddler needs to do but isn’t so thrilled about it. To be clear, this doesn’t mean offering a reward for doing something undesirable. We aren’t offering anything similar to bribery. But if you’re having trouble getting your toddler to pause their play and visit the bathroom, for example, you could blast their favorite music when it’s time to go potty and have a dance party to and from the restroom. If rain has ruined your trip to the park or pool, build an obstacle course indoors and have a dance party during clean-up time. If your child is resisting having their teeth brushed, you could suggest, “let’s brush your teeth with our special toothpaste.” 

TIP 7: Tell the Story of the “Future”

Prepare your toddler for future events that may ignite a meltdown or tantrum by telling the story of “tomorrow” or later today, or tonight, etc. Your child is the star of this story and if you capture their attention, spare no details. The story could go something like this:

PARENT

“Tomorrow we’re going to visit Aunt Jenny. Do you remember Aunt Jenny? You do? Good. We need to wake up very early when it's still dark out. We’ll get dressed and drive to the airport. That’s why we packed our suitcase today. Do you want to eat cereal here or get a bagel at the airport? We’re going to bring your stroller with us… 

After the story ends (with a happy ending of course), depending on their age and verbal skills you ask them to tell you the story of “tomorrow.” For younger toddlers not yet talking at a storytelling level, repeat parts of the story and then ask questions at different points:

PARENT

What happens after wake-up time? Get dressed or eat breakfast? Get dressed, that’s right! Because we're going out for breakfast. And who are we meeting for pancakes? Grandma!

For big life events like the mentioned travel, the night before is a bit late notice. Begin the story weeks or more before. Do the same for events like a new baby in the family, doctor’s checkups, starting daycare, big holidays that will require schedule revisions or travel. 

TIP 8: One on One Time

One on one time is a fantastic way to nourish your children’s self-worth. All children require attention, and one on one time is an absolutely essential way to give your child positive attention. It only takes 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time to help your child feel special. This means you are 100% engaged with your child, doing something you both enjoy (without interruption, no cell phone, no phone calls, just you and your child, fully engaged in an activity). Each caretaker with each child, everyday, no excuses. The one on one time you spend together helps behavior management tremendously.