Approaches to Discipline: Observational Discipline

Observational Discipline and Empathy Building.

Observational Discipline is an umbrella term for when you can start to use some reason and logic with your toddler, which can happen before the age of 3. It uses inductive reasoning and observation to draw conclusions from things that are most likely but not definitive. The biggest way we use this in parenting is when we share how our child’s actions most likely affect others. When your toddler starts to connect that when they hit someone or grab something out of someone’s hands; it most likely causes that person to be sad or angry. 

We will give you another relevant example. When I share my toy with my friend, they feel happy. The child begins to make these likely conclusions because when toys are shared with them, they feel happy.  

Observational Discipline might be something that you start to use even before your child has the full capacity to understand. You can do this by pointing out how others might be feeling based on what your toddler has done. Build upon as a general principle for teaching how certain behaviors might be affecting others. When you see a behavior you find unacceptable and it is very likely to be impacting others, you can use inductive discipline to teach your child about the overall consequences of their action. 

You can also use inductive reasoning to show a toddler who is behaving compassionately and empathetically or is playing nicely, how that might make others feel happy! 

For example: Your toddler pushed another child at the park. You can calmly and confidently get down to your toddler’s eye level and say, “I see you pushed your friend, that most likely has made them feel sad or angry; let’s go and ask if they are OK.” Then you would say to their friend, “I am sorry you were pushed, are you OK?” Then later that day, you might want to act out similar scenarios with two dolls or stuffed animals, showing behaviors, feelings, and better communication and coping skills.