Approaches to Discipline: Direct Parental Involvement Methods
Methods To Decrease Undesirable Behavior : Parent Assisted Behavior Modification.
These involve physically helping and containing your child to comply with your request. You can use this for dangerous situations as well as safe ones.
For a dangerous situation: There are three steps to this one
Give a clear command
Physically intervene
Then give them a choice of how to do better in the future.
For example: Parent sees the older sibling hitting the younger one. Parent drops down to eye level and looks at the child and calmly but firmly says, “Do not hit your sister.” Hitting continues, the parent steps in and “contains” the one hitting their sibling and says, “I will not let you hit your sister.” Then the parent should check on the sibling that was hit and say, “I’m sorry you were hit, are you OK?” Later, after your toddler has calmed down, the parent can ask them about what had happened earlier when they hit their sister. This may be an opportunity to teach better coping skills.
Another example:
This is an all too common scenario about a non-negotiable boundary where a toddler’s safety is concerned. The car seat battle: Parent says: “Please strap yourself in your car seat.” Their child knows how to strap themselves in, but is simply refusing and is melting down. The parent has OKed the feelings, but they simply didn’t have time to try other techniques like: follow the leader with a favorite toy, a spoonful of sugar, etc. So the parent must firmly but calmly get them into their carseat. The parent can offer an opportunity to try again and say something like, “I see that that was hard for you, I’m sorry that you felt angry and sad, but I cannot compromise on your safety, ever. We can try again next time.
For a safe situation: Three steps to this one as well
Remind the child what the rule is
If they don’t respond, offer a guided choice
Then if needed follow through with physical assistance
For example: A toddler is jumping on the sofa. The parent says: “A sofa is for sitting.” The child continues to jump. The parent follows this up with, “you may sit on the sofa or jump on the floor.” If the child still keeps jumping on the sofa then the parent could simply pick up their child and help the child to the floor. Your child may protest, and that’s OK, you have not hurt them. Immediately after, the parent can say to the child that “you chose to jump on the floor.”
For these hands-on parent assisted methods, consistency is key and you need to be willing to follow through. Persistent children may test the rule many times.
