Approaches to Discipline: Time-out vs. Time-in (Mini Time-out)
Methods To Decrease Undesirable Behavior : Time-out vs. Time-in (Mini Time-out)
A Time-in is similar to a time-out except you stay with the child. Some people feel that a time-out is simply too isolating, others recognize that some children respond better when they have their own time and space away from the inciting incident.
Time-in and outs are best reversed for behavior that is disruptive or dangerous and must be stopped immediately. Common examples are hitting, biting, kicking, and pushing. They are meant as a calming device, not as a punishment. You need to implement them without anger and remain firm, calm and confident throughout the process.
Time-outs have garnered lots of negative attention lately. The biggest reason for this is that they are often implemented incorrectly by caregivers. But the truth is, they work if done correctly and used only for the more extreme behaviors.
Here are some important things to know if you plan on using time-outs. First the full name of a time-out is a time-out from positive reinforcement. The positive reinforcement in this case is anything or anyone that is perpetuating the undesirable behavior. Which means you are removing the child from the environment where the reinforcing event is encouraging and strengthening the unacceptable behavior. You should not use time-outs for every situation because for one they will lose their effectiveness and secondly they are not easy to implement. Also they should only be used when a child is old enough to understand what behaviors the time-outs will be used for and all of the steps involved. The child also needs to understand the concepts of being quiet and waiting.
If you decide to use time-outs, these are the steps you will need to take:
Explain to your child beforehand what a time-out is and what you are going to use them for (for what behaviors and be specific).
Talk them through what the time-out is: that you plan to give them only one warning for correcting the behavior on their own, that they will get a time-out if they do not correct their behavior, and that they will need to go to the designated spot and stay there quietly until told they can come back to the “scene of the crime.”
Then calmly walk them through what the time-out will look like by taking them by the hand and showing them the location
Plan the location ahead of time and it needs to be a dull place with nothing to do and a place where they cannot provoke anyone but ideally close enough that they see what they are missing.
Some common locations are a highwall or empty part of a room, etc.
We don’t want the location to be a place where you unintentionally shame or embarrass a child.
Keep it simple and safe and make sure you are going to be close enough to the location in order to supervise without engaging them.
You might want to sit at the spot yourself and see if you think it will be a good option for them.
This explanation is best done before the undesirable behavior happens again.
For the first few time-outs “walk” the child through the time-out when it occurs, calmly take their hand to the time-out location or if you must, carry them there. After a few times you will most likely no longer need to give them any walk abouts or explanations. Just tell them it’s time for a time-out. Even better, a child may eventually learn when they need a time-out on their own and take one to calm themselves down.
Time the quiet time
Once the child is quiet then you can start the timer. It is generally a minute for younger children and two minutes for older children.
Longer time-outs have not been shown to add any benefits
In fact shorter ones are better for learning opportunities to practice desired behaviors
Do not argue or talk to your child during the time-out
Tell your child when the time-out is over
They should be encouraged to return to the original situation or scene of the crime that they were removed from.
Remind them what is appropriate behavior.
Reinforce appropriate behavior when the child returns to their original location.
Praise them when they act appropriately
One thing that makes a time-out more effective is that the rest of their day is filled with plenty of affection and fun activities. If this is not the case the child may not care as much that they have to go take a time out.
Common mistakes
Using time-outs for everything
Waiting until you are angry
Talking to the child during the time-out. You must ignore them.
Failing to make it a teaching tool by not returning the child to the original situation/ scene of crime and reminding them of their choices
And lastly failing to give positive feedback.
A mini-time out can be used for a slightly younger toddler or for a sensitive child. It accomplishes the same function by interrupting the undesirable behavior and allowing the child to calm down. You follow similar steps to the time-out, however, you always walk the child over to your time out spot or lift the child up and carry them away from the situation and set them down a short distance away from you.
