What is The Mental Load?
As more parents step into the dual demands of caregiving and career-building, many are discovering that exhaustion doesn’t always come from lack of sleep or tantrums. It comes from the constant, invisible cognitive weight that never lets up. It’s what experts and parents alike are increasingly calling the parental mental load.
That mental load, a keyword in motion due to the rising popularity of influencer Paige Connell, is a term meant to vocalize the current struggles of digitally aged parents. From tracking ovulation and prenatal supplements to researching child care, scheduling doctor’s appointments, remembering school dress-up days, and planning meals, the weight adds up fast. And it is mostly mothers who carry it.
According to Paige Connell, a Boston-based advocate and writer known for her candid online storytelling, this mental load was something she couldn’t name for years and once she did, her path became clearer.
“I was resentful, I was exhausted, and I didn’t even have the words to explain why,” Connell said in a recent interview. “Once I learned about the mental load of motherhood, everything made sense.”
Connell, who built a large community on TikTok under the handle SheIsAPageTurner, began sharing her lived experience with infertility, foster parenting, traumatic births, and burnout. But it was her vulnerable posts on the mental load that struck the deepest nerve, especially with working mothers trying to stay afloat.
The Weight Before the Workday
“It starts well before kids ever arrive,” Connell explained. “Women are the ones filling out foster care paperwork, making appointments, building birth plans, doing all the research. None of it counts as parenting in a traditional sense, but it’s all work.”
That unpaid, emotional labor continues into the day-to-day of parenthood, and unlike a job, it rarely comes with boundaries or breaks. For many, it leads to a profound burnout that’s often misattributed to poor planning or weak character.
But it’s not personal failure, Connell argues. It’s a systemic one.
“We treat parenting struggles like an individual issue,” she said. “We tell moms to tough it out, prepare better, or hustle harder. But if nearly every mother feels this way, the problem isn’t them. The problem is everything around them.”
Why the Mental Load Persists
The parental mental load is deeply tied to broader gender dynamics. In most heterosexual households, mothers are still the “default parent” — the one schools call first, the one who uses more sick days, the one who keeps the family running.
“Even when both parents work full-time, women are still expected to carry the emotional and logistical weight,” Connell said. “And even if a dad wants to be more involved, workplace culture often punishes him for it.”
A lack of paid parental leave, rigid job structures, and the high cost of childcare only add to the pressure. “Parents aren’t just tired,” Connell said. “They’re unsupported.”
Where Workplaces Can Step In
Companies are beginning to recognize that mental load has very real business implications. It leads to employee burnout, reduced productivity, and high turnover — especially among working parents. But there are signs of change.
Brands like CAKES Body are offering full childcare benefits, covering up to $36,000 annually for parents of young children. Other platforms like MissPoppins are embedding 24/7 parenting support directly into employer-sponsored benefits — including access to coaches, therapists, and developmental experts.
These models offer more than convenience — they provide relief.
“Sometimes, all it takes is your sister picking up your kid from dance class to change your entire night,” Connell said. “That’s what support looks like.”
And support, she argues, isn’t just a perk. It’s a solution. It’s what’s missing in today’s culture of parenting hyper-responsibility.
A Problem Too Big for One Person
Connell believes that no one, no matter how organized, privileged, or prepared should carry the weight of parenting alone.
“This work was never meant for one person. Or even two. We need villages again,” she said.
Her vision includes paid leave for all parents, flexible work policies, affordable childcare, and a culture shift in how society views caregiving. “When we build systems that recognize the actual work of parenting, we get healthier families and stronger companies.”
Most of all, Connell wants parents to hear one message: If you’re drowning under the pressure, it’s not your fault.
“This is what happens when you don’t have the systems you need. You’re not broken. The system is.”
For more unfiltered parenting journeys visit MissPoppins- The Art of Parenting Podcast.