I Spent $900 on a Parenting Coach After Wasting 3 Months on Apps (And I'm Still Mad I Didn't Do It Sooner)
My kid told me I sound like a robot.
Not in a cute way. In a "Mom you're reading off your phone again and I can tell" way.
We were three weeks into me trying to fix bedtime with apps and I was standing there with Good Inside pulled up on my phone, reading Dr. Becky's script about boundaries and warmth, and Emma just... looked at me.
"You sound like a robot."
I went into the bathroom and cried which seems dramatic but if you've been doing bedtime battles for months you get it.
Okay So I Tried Apps First (Obviously)
I'm 34, I work in marketing, of course I tried apps first. That's what we do now right? There's an app for everything.
I had BabyCenter when I was pregnant. Then Wonder Weeks when Emma was tiny. Huckleberry for sleep (didn't work). Some potty training one I can't even remember the name of.
So when bedtime became this nightmare around Emma turning 4 and a half I did what every millennial mom does — I downloaded shit.
Good Inside - $14.99/month, Dr. Becky's whole thing
Positive Parenting Solutions - I paid $47 for some course
TinyPal - Free version, it's like a chatbot thing
I watched SO many videos. I took notes in my phone. I had screenshots of scripts. I felt very prepared.
And then bedtime would happen and Emma would lose her mind and I'd freeze because the app told me WHY she was doing it (nervous system, developmental phase, blah blah) but it didn't tell me what to do when she's screaming "I HATE YOU" and throwing stuffed animals at the wall.
Like the apps were really good at the science part. The psychology. But they weren't good at the "your kid is having a meltdown and you're about to lose your shit too" part.
The Robot Thing
So yeah Week 3 or 4 of using Good Inside religiously.
I'd watched every video in the bedtime section. I was in the Facebook group (50,000 moms all sharing the same struggles which was honestly comforting). I had Dr. Becky's scripts memorized.
Emma had one of her epic meltdowns. Screaming, hitting herself, the works.
I did the thing. The exact thing.
"I can see you're having really big feelings."
"It's okay to be upset. It's not okay to hit."
"I'm going to stay right here."
And she looked at me with tears running down her face and said "Mommy you sound like a robot."
Fuck.
I mean she was RIGHT. I was literally reading off my phone trying to say the Right Things instead of just... I don't know. Being her mom?
That's when I texted my friend Sarah who's been seeing a parenting coach for like 6 months. It was 10pm.
"Can you send me your coach's number I think I need actual help"
The Coach Thing (Which I Was Scared to Do)
Sarah's coach Rebecca was booked but she connected me with Maria.
First call was free, 30 minutes.
I started explaining bedtime and got maybe two sentences in before I started crying. Again. (I cried so much during this phase. Nobody tells you that part.)
Maria just... let me cry. Didn't interrupt. Didn't immediately jump to solutions.
When I stopped she asked this question that like. Changed everything.
"What do bedtimes feel like in your body when they're happening?"
What?
None of the apps asked me that. They asked about Emma's sleep schedule. Her routine. Her triggers.
I thought about it. "Like I'm bracing for impact? Like I know it's going to be bad and I'm already exhausted before we even start."
"Okay so before we work on Emma's behavior we probably need to work on your nervous system. Because kids can feel when we're tense."
I signed up right there. $900 for 8 weeks.
Which is a lot of money. Like a LOT. But I was desperate.
What Happened (Not in a Neat Timeline Because Life Isn't Neat)
The first two weeks with Maria were mostly me crying.
We barely talked about Emma. We talked about MY childhood. About how my mom used to threaten to "leave us" if we didn't go to bed and how I'd internalized this panic around bedtime.
I didn't even KNOW that was connected until Maria asked about it.
She also caught me on stuff. Like Week 3 I was complaining that Emma "won't listen" and Maria was like "when you say she won't listen what does your face look like"
I was like ???
She made me actually think about it. Turns out when I'm trying to be "calm" I do this thing where I get really tight-lipped and my voice gets low and probably scary? Emma later confirmed this which was humbling.
The app never called me on my shit like that.
Around Week 4 or 5 Maria had me do this "reset ritual" which sounds woo-woo but it was just sitting in my car for 5 minutes after work before going inside. Just breathing. Telling myself work stress stays in the car.
Sounds stupid. It helped.
She also helped me figure out that I was bringing home all my work anxiety and Emma was picking up on it and acting out MORE on days I had bad meetings.
The apps told me kids sense tension. Maria helped me see MY specific tension and how it played out.
Apps vs Coach (The Actual Difference)
Okay so here's what I figured out.
Apps are really good for information. Like REALLY good. I learned so much about child development and nervous systems and all of that.
But they're terrible at implementation.
Because most parenting struggles aren't about not knowing the right technique. They're about:
Your own shit getting triggered
Being dysregulated yourself
Shame spirals
Misreading cues because you're exhausted
Needing permission to do things differently
An app can't help with that.
Like Good Inside told me "hold boundaries with warmth" but it couldn't tell me why I felt like I was failing every time I had to set a boundary. That was childhood stuff Maria helped me untangle.
The Cost Thing
Yeah $900 is a lot.
But I'd already spent:
$15/month x 3 months on Good Inside = $45
$47 on Positive Parenting course
Probably $30 on books I didn't finish
Countless hours watching YouTube videos
And we were still stuck in the same cycle.
With Maria we made actual progress in 8 weeks.
Not perfect progress. We still have hard nights. But Emma stopped saying I sounded like a robot. And I stopped dreading 7pm.
The Thing Nobody Tells You
The app made me smarter about parenting.
Maria made me braver.
The app gave me information.
Maria gave me transformation.
Both mattered. But one cost $15/month and kept me stuck. The other cost $900 and got me unstuck.
I wish I'd done Maria first and saved myself 3 months of feeling like I was failing.
So Which One Do You Actually Need
I don't know your situation.
If you're just starting to struggle and you want to learn stuff, apps are great. Good Inside is genuinely helpful. The Facebook groups make you feel less alone.
But if you keep getting stuck in the same patterns over and over and you've watched all the videos and you KNOW what you're supposed to do but you can't seem to do it?
That's when you need a human.
Not because apps are bad.
But because some things need to be witnessed by another person to heal.
And sometimes the person who needs help isn't your kid.
It's you.
Where We Are Now
Emma's 6. Bedtime is fine most nights. Some nights are still hard but I don't spiral anymore.
Last week she said "Mommy I'm glad you're not angry at bedtime anymore."
She's right. I'm not.
I still use Good Inside sometimes. The Facebook group is still helpful.
But I credit Maria for doing the deep work that actually changed things.
And honestly? If I have a second kid (I won't) I'd skip the apps and go straight to a coach.
Would've saved myself a lot of crying in bathrooms.
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