Grieving after Infant Loss: Do Rituals Work?
When parents experience miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion, the world can feel unbearably quiet.. While many cultures have long understood the power of ritual in navigating loss, Western conversations around pregnancy and infant loss are only beginning to catch up.
One emerging voice in this space is Jennifer McCrae, an experienced thanatologist — someone who specializes in the study of death, dying, and grief. Jennifer supports families through their most intimate losses and helps them create deeply personal ways to honor their children. As she explains, “Grief looks different for every family. What matters isn’t how big the ritual is, but whether it makes them feel seen, connected, and less alone.” - Jennifer McCrae via MissPoppins- The Art of Parenting.
Why Rituals Matter in Grieving
Rituals aren’t just symbolic gestures; they can create structure and meaning during some of the most disorienting moments of a parent’s life. For many families navigating abortion grief, miscarriage, or stillbirth, rituals offer a way to hold space for emotions that are too large for words.
Jennifer notes that rituals are particularly powerful because they “allow people to experience what they’re experiencing, without forcing them to ‘move on.’” Instead of pushing grief away, rituals invite it into the room, making it visible — and in turn, bearable.
Common rituals families choose include:
Planting a tree or flower in memory of their child
Writing letters or birthday cards each year
Lighting candles during significant milestones
Including the child’s name in family ceremonies
Each act, no matter how small, becomes a way to integrate the loss into everyday life, rather than erasing it.
People Perform Rituals Everyday
One of the most common questions Jennifer hears is, “Do rituals work?” The answer, she says, isn’t about a scientific metric. It’s about emotional connection and intentionality.
People also perform rituals in their everyday life. When you think of the impact of birthdays, anniversaries, and personal milestone celebrations, a notable shift happens in the psyche of humans. Rituals work to center your emotions and transmute your energy into acts that can result in positive impacts for your life.
In the case of grief after pregnancy loss, it doesn’t follow a timeline. It’s not something parents “get over.” Rituals offer a way to return to the loss over time and not to reopen wounds, but to revisit love.
As Jennifer emphasizes, “We don’t move on from loss. We will move forward with it.”
Research in grief studies and thanatology supports this: symbolic acts can reduce feelings of isolation, support meaning-making, and help people navigate complicated emotions like guilt, anger, and sadness. For individuals facing abortion grief or the loss of a pregnancy, rituals can provide gentle structure when everything else feels uncertain.
We can’t avoid experiencing grief, but you should be equipped with knowledge on how to best handle your circumstances. Experts like Jennifer provide comfort and insight into proper healing methods. Jennifer also shared, “For some parents, it’s as simple as lighting a candle once a year. For others, it’s creating something permanent, like a garden or artwork. There’s no right way to grieve so do only what’s right for you.”
A Modern Approach to Grief Support
Virtual support spaces, online communities, and parenting platforms like MissPoppins are reshaping how parents access resources around pregnancy loss. This includes connecting families with thanatologists, grief doulas, and peer support networks; people who understand the language of grief without needing to fix it.
Whether the loss comes from miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion, these support systems can help families create personal rituals that feel meaningful and sustainable.
Where do you Find a Thanatologist
Thanatology is an important area of human study. Although many shy away from its topics, death is an inevitable truth for all. Luckily, you can connect with one on-demand via the MissPoppins platform.
Quotes taken from MissPoppins-The Art of Parenting
Episode 46: The Bereavement and End-of-Life Process w/ Jennifer McCrae- Certified Thanatologist