How Grandparents Can Support Their Adult Children Without Overstepping

Real Advice from Kimberly Bepler on MissPoppins: The Art of Parenting Podcast

When grandparents see their adult children become new parents, the world takes a new turn. Oftentimes you want to take pictures with the new baby and take charge. 

Your advice doesn’t land. Your presence feels overwhelming instead of supportive. And sometimes, without anyone saying it directly, you start to feel a little pushed to the side.

So what changed?

On MissPoppins: The Art of Parenting Podcast, postpartum expert and grandparent educator Kimberly Bepler put it plainly:

“Grandparents have a set of expectations… and new parents are having a completely different experience.”

The generational gap is blatant, we are experiencing the first generation of parents with so much knowledge and accessibility at their fingertips. This can strain the relationship between the adult child and them.

Who Is Kimberly Bepler?

Kimberly Bepler is an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant), Certified Postpartum Doula (CPD), Childbirth Educator (CLE), and New Parent Educator (CNPE) with more than 20 years of experience supporting families.

She’s:

• Founder of ABC Doula & Newborn Care

• A trainer of doulas and educators nationwide

• A specialist in postpartum support, breastfeeding, and family dynamics

• Known as “The Grandparent Doula” for her work helping grandparents better support modern families

Her work sits right at the intersection most families struggle with: bridging the gap between generations without breaking the relationship.

Why Supporting Adult Children Feels So Different Today

One of the biggest misconceptions?

That parenting hasn’t really changed.

But it has—dramatically.

Today’s parents are:

• Constantly researching

• Comparing advice online

• Managing information overload

• Feeling pressure to get everything “right”

As Bepler explains, new parents aren’t looking for more input:

“They’re inundated with information… they don’t necessarily want to hear about other people’s experience.”

So when grandparents lead with advice—even lovingly—it can feel like pressure instead of support.

Trust Your Child to Be a Good Parent

Aside from taking care of the baby (a great method of support for new parents), it is best to stray from solely giving new parenting advice. You were a parent once too and have to trust them to apply the right judgement. 

Focus on your child and their needs.Because while the baby is usually well cared for…

Your child is:

• Exhausted

• Healing

• Overwhelmed

• Questioning everything

What New Parents Actually Need From Grandparents

Advice and opinions fall flat, especially in an age where everyone is screaming new things not to do from their phones and online devices. 

1. Take care of their life, not their baby

Bepler emphasizes practical support over symbolic help:

• Bring meals

• Do laundry

• Run errands

• Handle small daily tasks

“It takes the pressure off of them… and allows them more space to care for their baby,” she explains.

Because what parents want most… is the chance to just be with their child without everything else piling up.

2. Reassurance over correction

New parents live in a constant loop of:

• Am I doing this right?

• Is this normal?

• Did I mess something up?

What helps isn’t fixing.

It’s affirming.

“They need someone to believe in them while they’re questioning their own capabilities.”

And grandparents carry unique weight here.

You’ve seen them grow. You know who they are.Your belief in them lands deeper than almost anyone else’s.

3. Hold your stories (for now)

This one is especially hard.

You’ve been through it. You have wisdom. You want to share.

But early on, timing matters more than truth.

“You don’t tell a new parent what your experience was… they don’t have the capacity to hold it.”

There will be time for stories later.

Right now, they’re just trying to find their footing.

4. Trust their decisions—even when you disagree

This is where many relationships quietly strain.

Because what grandparents often see as guidance…

Parents may experience as doubt.

Bepler puts it clearly:

“You have to trust that your kids are making the absolute best decisions with their babies.”

Even if:

• It’s different than how you did it

• It feels unfamiliar

• It doesn’t make immediate sense

Because underneath it all, your child is asking:

“Do you trust me to be a parent?”

Why Some Grandparents Feel Shut Out

This is the part that’s hard to hear—but important to understand.

Sometimes the distance isn’t random.

It’s protective.

Bepler notes that many parents limit access when trust feels shaky—not out of punishment, but because they don’t feel supported or understood.

And often, it comes down to moments like:

• Feeling dismissed

• Boundaries not being respected

• Decisions being questioned repeatedly

Even small moments can stack up.

The One Sentence That Repairs Connection

When your adult child says something felt off, the instinct is to explain.

To clarify. To defend.

But what actually keeps the relationship intact?

“I can see why you would feel that way.”

That one sentence signals:

• You’re listening

• You care

• You’re willing to meet them where they are

Avoid Estrangement During the Grandparent Role

The vulnerable stage of new parenthood is a sensitive time for your adult child. Without the proper grandparent doula, you may begin to feel estranged as they grow apart. Consider seeking parent (or grandparent) coaching to learn how to be an emotionally present and active figure in your grandchildren’s life.