Approaches to Discipline: Practices that Increase Desirable Behavior
Promoting positive behavior in children is a critical aspect of parenting, and one of the most effective tools for this is positive reinforcement. Rather than focusing only on reducing undesirable behaviors, positive reinforcement encourages the behaviors you want to see more of by offering rewards or attention that children enjoy. This approach fosters positive actions and teaches valuable lessons in a supportive and nurturing environment.
What is Positive Reinforcement?
Positive reinforcement involves presenting a reinforcing stimulus after a desired behavior to increase the likelihood that the behavior will occur again in the future. This differs from the usual notions of discipline because, instead of trying to decrease unwanted behaviors, positive reinforcement seeks to increase desirable ones. While the ultimate goal of improving behavior remains the same, this method takes a more positive approach to achieving it.
The reinforcer (reward or stimulus) can be anything your child finds desirable, such as attention, yummy snacks, tokens, toys, gold stars, or really anything the child values. Among all these options, the most powerful reinforcer is often a parent’s attention. This attention can be expressed through praise, gestures, or shared activities. The key to making positive reinforcement effective is timing: the reinforcer must be provided immediately after the desired behavior.
Differentiating Positive Reinforcement from Bribery
A common mistake parents make is confusing positive reinforcement with bribery. Bribery is used to stop unwanted behavior, often in the moment, and usually ends up reinforcing the undesirable behavior. On the other hand, positive reinforcement rewards the desired behavior before negative behavior starts, ensuring that the behavior you want to see is what gets reinforced.
Let's look at an example to illustrate the difference between bribery and positive reinforcement:
Bribery Example: Parents are driving their children, Jack and Bobby, to daycare. Jack starts poking Bobby, and the situation escalates, leading to both children being upset. The parents, worried about the fighting, say, “You can have a granola bar if you calm down.” The children immediately stop fighting, and the parents hand them the snacks.
In this example, the children learn that by misbehaving, they will be rewarded with snacks if they stop. The behavior that gets reinforced is the negative behavior (fighting), as the reward was given after the conflict started.
Positive Reinforcement Example: Before the trip even begins, the parents give Jack and Bobby granola bars and say, “I love how calm and pleasant you’ve been in the car.”
In this case, the children learn that staying calm is what earns them the reward, reinforcing the desired behavior (being calm in the car).
How to Use Positive Reinforcement Effectively
To establish a new desired behavior, it’s important to use positive reinforcement consistently and immediately after the behavior occurs. As your child begins to engage in the desired behavior regularly, you can gradually reduce the frequency of the reinforcers.
Let’s look at another example that demonstrates the use of positive reinforcement and how to taper off its use effectively:
Example with Praise as a Reinforcer: Lilly’s dad wants her to get in the habit of clearing her plates after meals. Lilly has shown that she understands the task and is capable of doing it on her own, but she only clears her plate about once a week without being prompted. To encourage Lilly to do this regularly, her dad decides to use positive reinforcement, specifically praise.
Every time Lilly clears her plate, her dad immediately says, “I’m very pleased that you cleared your plate, Lilly.” This happens consistently for several days in a row. However, on one day, Lilly forgets to clear her plate. Instead of reminding her, her dad says nothing and clears the plate himself without any nagging or prompting. The next day, Lilly clears her plate again, and her dad praises her with, “Wow, you remembered to clear your plate! I’m so proud of you.”
Over the next few weeks, Lilly continues clearing her plates, and her dad continues to praise her each time. Eventually, her dad decides to see if she’ll still clear her plates when he’s not in the room. So, one evening, while Lilly is eating dinner, her dad leaves the kitchen to clean up elsewhere. Lilly still clears her plates, although she seems a little disappointed not to receive immediate praise. The next evening, her dad is sure to praise her again. “You remembered to clear your plate, even when I wasn’t here to see it! Great job!”
After a few weeks, Lilly consistently clears her plates without being reminded, and her dad starts to reduce the frequency of praise until it’s no longer needed. Lilly has formed the habit, and positive reinforcement has helped her internalize the behavior.
Adjusting Reinforcement for Long-Term Success
Once a behavior is established, you don’t need to provide positive reinforcement as frequently. However, be strategic in how you taper off reinforcers. If you find that a particular behavior is taking longer to establish, you may need to change the type of reinforcer you’re using. This is important because all reinforcers—no matter how effective initially—can lose their impact over time if overused. Changing things up will help keep the reinforcement fresh and engaging for your child.
A Note About Praise
Praise is one of the most common and effective forms of positive reinforcement. However, for it to be effective, it must be delivered immediately following the desired behavior, and it must be specific and sincere. Children can often tell when praise is insincere, so it’s important to find something you genuinely appreciate in the child’s actions.
For example, if your child shows you a drawing and you’re not overly impressed with their artistic skills, instead of giving generic praise like “Good job,” find something specific that you can genuinely praise. You might say, “I love the colors you chose!” or “You worked so hard on this!” Being specific and sincere helps reinforce the behavior in a meaningful way.
Conclusion
Positive reinforcement is a powerful and effective way to encourage desirable behaviors in children. By focusing on rewarding good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, you create a positive environment where your child feels motivated and supported. Consistent use of reinforcers like praise, attention, or small rewards helps children understand which behaviors are valued, making them more likely to repeat those actions. Over time, as the desired behavior becomes a habit, you can gradually reduce the reinforcers, allowing your child to internalize the positive behavior on their own. Remember, specific and sincere praise is key to reinforcing the right actions and helping your child feel confident and proud of their efforts.
