Effective Strategies for Dealing with Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns
I can still picture it 10 years later. A tantrum of epic proportions displayed at our favorite park, by one of my own children. It was time to leave and, despite numerous warnings, my son was in total and utter disbelief. He had finally gotten a turn with a toy digger in the sand pit, and now he had to give it up just so that we could eat lunch. Who needs food, when you have a pit full of sand to play with?!? Despite my background in helping pediatric patients get through the most traumatic moments of hospitalization, I was immobilized by my own inexperience as a parent and had no idea what to do. The blood curdling screams only got worse as I tried to pick him up. The kicking and hitting soon followed. I was embarrassed and felt helpless. So in the heat of the moment I just ran to our stroller, tried my best to strap him in, and ran back to our house. I’m not a runner, but that day I felt like an Olympic hopeful. By the time we got home, my son was totally fine; I was not. It seemed as though all of my child development training and ability to remain calm in the most dire of situations had failed me. I remember being so frustrated with myself, and a friend (who just happened to witness it all at the park) asked me, “what would you do for someone else’s child in that very same situation?”. I replied, “Oh, that’s easy to do, but when it’s my own child, I feel stuck.” She said “Maybe it would help to get a game plan for next time.” As someone who typically just goes with the moment, planning for a future tantrum was not something on my radar. So, I started thinking about how I could help my own child process transitions in his routine, which was typically a big struggle for him. While my game plan was effective most of the time, I quickly learned that it wouldn’t help every tantrum and struggle but did help with most. As someone who believes that sharing is truly caring, especially in the parenting game, I’d like to offer part of my game plan in hopes that maybe it could help someone else.
Before I spill the beans, I’d like to remind parents that tantrums are a totally normal part of a toddler's development. It's their way of expressing big emotions when they don't have the words to effectively communicate yet-even highly verbal toddlers can struggle with finding the words in the heat of the moment (let’s face it, adults can too!). It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. While tantrums are extremely challenging, they can also be an opportunity to teach children about emotions and coping strategies as they grow.
I truly understand the frustration and stress that tantrums can cause for parents. So, I’d like to introduce some products that may help ease those difficult moments. From calming sensory toys to soothing tools, these products are designed to provide comfort and support for both you and your little one during tantrums, but also maybe prevent one from occurring.
1) A time timer
This visual time counter helps toddlers see how much time they have before the need to transition to something else, which is particularly helpful if your toddler typically tantrums during changes in routine. It is a great tool for helping them know when bed time, bath time, snack time, or end of play time is near.
During a tantrum, it's important as a caregiver to remain calm and composed. One way I try to do this is by offering cuddles under a special blanket. Weighted blankets provide gentle pressure which can help reduce anxiety and agitation.
3) Bubbles
While bubbles often provide visual stimulation, they can also provide major distraction. It’s not that I don’t want my children to feel their emotions, but sometimes they need a little extra help to remember to take deep breaths and try to calm their heightened senses. Bubbles do both! Once I blow a few bubbles to distract, I will offer my child a chance to blow. I remind them that to blow bubbles, we have to take slow, calm, deep breaths. *Please don’t blow bubbles directly into anyone’s face!
Sometimes, it’s hard for a toddler to get out their feelings of frustration through cuddles and deep breaths, which can be a reason why some resort to hitting during tantrums. Squeeze balls give them a chance to squeeze something and get that anger/frustration/sadness/etc. out, without hurting anyone or themselves. Just be mindful that most squeeze balls require adult supervision in case they were to leak or pop.
5) Music
While many toddlers may not want to hear their parents favorite songs blasting in the midst of a tantrum, there’s something to be said for the soothing and calming effects of classical music. Start out softly and then play a little louder as the child starts to listen-nothing too loud, just enough to get their attention. Fun songs are also a way to help transition to new activities or a different routine-I can’t tell you how many times we had to listen to “old town road” when by youngest was a toddler just to help get him into his highchair for meals. Dance parties are always a good idea after tantrums too. They show your child that you want to have fun with them, gives them an easy way to do it, and will typically induce a smile or two, which is good for everyone involved.
I hope some of these ideas are helpful for you and your family as you try to navigate the toddler years. As I am now embracing the pre-teen years, I’m finding myself resorting to these same ideas to help calm and soothe pre-adolescent emotions. If all else fails, throw on your favorite songs and dance like nobody's watching!
